Consequences of Love
by Dream Painter
Summary: Not all love stories have a happy ever after... John/Elizabeth
1. Chapter 1

_**Fandom:** Stargate Atlantis  
**Pairing:** Sheppard/Weir, with references to McKay/Brown and Beckett/Cadman  
**Genre:** Romance, Tragedy, AU  
**Rating:** PG-13, for language  
**Warnings:** Character Death_

_**A/N:** This was originally an SG-1 idea, but I got to thinking and my muse convinced me that it would work better as an SGA story. I'm happy with the result and I hope you all agree. I've given you all the suitable warnings I could think of, so from here on out, it's read at your own risk._

_A special thanks to Fraggledragon for Scottish accent translation and beta-reading._

* * *

Chapter One 

---

Elizabeth Weir lay on her side sleeping in her bed. She hadn't been feeling very well lately. One of the teams had brought back an illness which had spread upon their return. Nausea, vomiting, headache, fatigue, and fever—Carson had said that it was a bacteria which behaved much like Earth's influenza virus. Since they were dealing with a bacteria, the Scot had put the afflicted on antibiotics. Fortunately, it seemed that only one in five people were actually susceptible to the illness. That still meant about a fifth of the city had fallen ill, though, and Elizabeth was one of them.

The bed shifted behind her, causing her to rouse slightly. She felt a hand on her arm followed by a kiss on her shoulder and another on the side of her head.

"I love you," her lover whispered.

"I love you, too," she murmured without opening her eyes. Elizabeth didn't remember him coming in the night before, so he probably joined her after she'd fallen asleep.

Dr. Weir didn't actually wake up for another hour or so. Turning over, she glanced at the clock: 5:47. Squinting in the early morning light streaming through her window, she briefly reflected that she would've never thought John Sheppard was such a morning person. Who got up before six without an alarm? Well, there was at least one man in two galaxies who did. Pulling the covers over her head, Elizabeth settled back into the pillow. She was sleeping in.

---

By the time she woke again at 8:00AM, Elizabeth was feeling a bit better. At least she didn't have a headache anymore. After getting ready for the day, she decided she would go to the mess and try to find something to eat. If all else failed, she was sure she could get one of the cooks to get her some more broth.

The smell of something amongst the cooked food made her feel nauseous again as did the coffee, so she finally settled for a piece of toast, oatmeal, and a bowl of fruit. She ate slowly, hoping that her selection would settle well with her stomach. Fortunately, it did. Upon finishing everything else, she absently pushed a rejected piece of fruit around the bowl. She really should be getting back to her office...

"Elizabeth!" Carson greeted as he passed. Having run out of tea, he'd stopped by the mess hall for some coffee. "It's guid tae see yeh up and about. I see yeh've been eating. How're yeh feeling?"

"Still a little sick, actually," Weir answered, giving him a small smile.

"Really, now? So is yer stomach still bothering yeh?" he asked.

"A bit..." she admitted. Carson frowned.

"Well, if yer done eating, love, yeh might as well walk with me tae the infirmary so I can have look at yeh... since yeh managed tae avoid me the first time." Elizabeth was about to decline until she saw the man's face. She didn't have a say in the matter.

"Alright," she agreed.

Rising from her chair, she walked with him to the infirmary. The first thing Carson did was take blood and saliva samples. It took awhile for him to come back.

"Well," Carson began slowly upon his return, "there disnae seem to be any sign of the bacteria in yer system, yeh probably never even had it."

"What? Then, why have I been feeling ill?" she asked. The Scot met her questioning gaze.

"Because you're no' sick," he answered. "You're pregnant."

---

The words hit Elizabeth like a freight train. Had Carson just said..? Could it be that..? No. No, no, no... that would not be good. That would bad on many levels. For starters, there was protocol to follow, never mind the fact that they were already breaking it! What would the people back on Earth at the SGC say? She had a pretty good idea that it wouldn't be anything she'd want to hear. But, wait a minute—what would _John_ say??

"Excuse me?" she managed, her brain still in complete and utter shock. Carson regarded her sympathetically—it had been rather unfair of him to dump it on her like that.

"Elizabeth," he repeated gently, sitting on a stool in front of her, "the symptoms yeh've been experiencing weren't caused by the bacteria Lt. Hunt and his team brought back with them fae M4H-713, yeh've been having morning sickness. We could've determined that before, but yeh didnae let anyone examine yeh and we were so busy with the outbreak here in the infirmary that I let several of yeh get away with it.

"When I checked yer blood for the presence of the bacteria, I didnae find any, but there wis a fair amount of human chorionic gonadotropin, the hormone produced by the placenta during pregnancy. Obstetrics are no' my specialty, but I wuid say that you're eight or nine weeks pregnant." The doctor finished his explanation as Elizabeth continued to stare at him in a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and horror.

"Are you sure?" she whispered finally, her eyes beginning to mist with tears.

"Aye, I'm pretty certain, but we could dae an ultrasound if yeh'd like, jist to be sure." The woman nodded dumbly and Carson led her to another part of the infirmary. He pulled the curtain shut around the bed as Elizabeth laid down on the bed. "Alright, I'm jist gaun tae put some gel on yer stomach, it might feel a bit cold," he told her as she pulled up her shirt. As he applied the transducer, both of them turned their attention towards the monitor.

"Is that..?" she motioned towards the image on the screen.

"Aye, lass, it is."

"Oh, my god," Elizabeth covered her face with both hands and tried her hardest not to cry.

"Elizabeth, love, dae yeh know who the father is?" Carson asked gently after turning off the machine and putting the equipment aside. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Yes," she answered, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "Yes, I do."

"Thought you might."

"Carson, I know you'll eventually have to report this to the SGC, but not yet, please... don't tell anyone," she looked at him pleadingly.

"Not a word," he promised. "Not yet. And Elizabeth, I know this isnae the kind of news yeh'd want tae hear, but congratulations, anyhow." He gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze before turning and leaving her by herself. The tears began to flow as Elizabeth cleaned the gel from her abdomen with the towel Carson had given her. She'd always wanted a child, but not right now—not at such a cost...

---

_To be continued...  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

---

Lt. Col. John Sheppard made his way down the corridor trying to look neither hurried nor too purposeful which naturally made him look both. The reason for his haste was due to something Carson has asked him during his post-mission exam several hours before: "How's Elizabeth?" Well, actually, it wasn't so much what the Scot had said as the unreadable expression on the doctor's face when he'd said it. Had she gotten sicker? If that was the case, why hadn't Carson said so? But that expression—that look in those clear blue eyes of his... Pausing outside her quarters to knock, he entered to find her sitting on the bed, tears streaming silently down her face.

"Hey," he spoke soothingly as the door slid closed behind him. "What's the matter?"

"I'm scared," Elizabeth answered as he sat down and wrapped his arms around her.

"Why are you scared?" John asked. She had laid her head against his chest while he rocked her gently. He was just able to see her bite her lip before hesitantly responding.

"I'm pregnant." It came out as scarcely a whisper, but John hadn't missed it. In fact, it left him dumbstruck for a moment.

"Are you sure?" he finally managed. He felt her nod and he hugged her tighter. Elizabeth began to cry, her slender frame trembling like a leaf on a windy day. "Hey..." John murmured gently into her ear. "I'm here. I'll always be here..."

"They'll send one of us back," the woman pointed out. It wasn't necessary for her to say who, he knew what she was talking about.

"Then, we'll both go back," John said in his matter-of-fact way.

"That wouldn't be fair..."

"Listen to me," the Air Force officer told her, sitting back so he could take her face in his hands. "I love you. Those aren't just words with me, I mean it—I am hopelessly and madly in love with you and if that means going back to Earth so I can be with you, then so be it. I'd like to see anyone try to stop me." She managed a small smile and he hugged her again.

"I love you, too," she murmured, melting into his embrace. John pressed his lips against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. Elizabeth was pregnant. The woman he loved, pregnant with his child.

He'd never been so joyous or terrified in his life.

-

_ FLASHBACK: Several months earlier...  
_

"This 'party' seems kind of boring," Ronon intoned, gazing out over the mess hall, which had been set up for use as a dance floor. Music filled the large room as expedition members talked and danced. "What are we celebrating again?" The large Satedan pulled at the tie around his neck, obviously uncomfortable in the suit he was wearing. He slouched down further in his chair.

"Well, back on Earth, it's Christmas," Col. Sheppard told him. "There's this big, round, little guy with a white beard who goes around and gives presents to all the children..."

"All of them?" Teyla interrupted, surprised. She donned a lovely turquoise dress and a pair of dress shoes that John thought she might have borrowed from Lt. Cadman.

"Well, no," John amended, "Not really—it's just a story to make children want to behave. It's really the parents who get the presents."

"That doesn't explain why we have to dress up and why you have lights and leaves hanging from the ceiling," Ronon pointed out.

"Right... well, while the kids get their presents, the adults usually do their own thing..."

"Adults don't get presents?"

"Well, yeah, but..." the air force major stammered, "have I told you how much fun a sleigh ride could be?" While Col. Sheppard tried to impress upon Ronon and Teyla the value of Christmas and why they were having a Christmas dance, Rodney and Carson were across the room near the punch waiting for Laura Cadman and Katie Brown to arrive.

"I was pleased tae here yeh finally invited Katie to the dance, Rodney," Dr. Beckett told his friend. "I was starting to think I'd have tae give yeh a bit of a shove." The scientist nearly choked on his punch.

"Well, uh, actually... Katie sorta invited me," he confessed.

"She what?" Carson exclaimed. "Bloody hell, Rodney! And yeh wonder why yeh don't go out on more dates!" Before the good Scot could berate him more, three newcomers entered the mess hall. Laura was entirely unabashed, gracefully barging in and grinning at any who met her gaze as she made her way towards Carson, the meek and sweet-natured Katie in tow, her timid smile directed at Rodney. The third person caused a general murmur to spread throughout the room. She looked so different out of uniform and most people smiled before returning to what they'd been doing.

John couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Elizabeth wore a dark red dress that hugged her slender frame in all the right places. The bodice crisscrossed over her chest, leaving her shoulders and back bare. Her hair was swept up in a simple, yet tasteful style and a single jewel sparkled at her pretty white throat. She was self-consciously biting her lower lip, obviously not quite comfortable being so dressed up, her nervousness causing her face to take on a rosy glow. Lt. Col. John Sheppard completely forgot that he'd been talking to Ronon and Teyla as he made his way towards her, his heart pounding uncontrollably.

"Dance with me." She looked up at him in surprise.

"John." He stepped closer, offering his hand, his eyes gazing steadily into hers.

"Elizabeth," he said again, his tone softer, "dance with me." She accepted his hand and he led her out onto the dance floor.

"He didn't finish telling us about stockings," Ronon noted.

"I believe that John has... other things on his mind," Teyla responded.

"Yeah. No kidding," the Satedan uttered, watching his CO for a moment before rising to his feet. "I'm going to go get some food."

"I think I will join you," the Athosian smiled.

As they danced amongst the others on the floor, John still couldn't take his eyes off her face. Elizabeth was looking down, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks. The Air Force officer found that he was having difficulty catching his breath. He drew her closer to whisper in her ear.

"You are beautiful," he murmured.

"I almost didn't come," she confided.

"Why would you have done that?"

"I've never worn this dress before. I wasn't sure if I liked how it looked."

"Well, I do."

"Thank you." Elizabeth bit her lip. She could feel her face burning. Although she maintained a professional posture, there was nothing she wanted more than to lay her head on John's shoulder. Mentally, she chastised herself for thinking like such a school girl.

The music faded but John didn't release her right away. "Take a walk with me." It was the second time he had spoken like that tonight—neither commanding nor really pleading, but matter-of-fact, simple, confident that she would not refuse.

When had he come to know her so well?

"Alright," she agreed. He led the way through the crowd and out of the room. Allowing the door to drift shut behind them, they strolled down the corridor in silence.

"I want to say something," John spoke up suddenly. He pulled her into a transporter and touched a destination in an empty part of the city.

"John?" Elizabeth questioned as they stepped out.

"I know that I shouldn't be saying this, but I'll feel like an idiot forever if I don't take this opportunity to tell you that I'm in love with you," he blurted, "have been for some time. You're smart and beautiful and you... you're amazing. I'm in love with you," John took her hands in his, "and I just—I wanted you to know."

Elizabeth stared at him in surprise.

-

_A day later_

Elizabeth glanced up from her paperwork as Dr. Radek Zelenka entered her office. He held a file in his hand.

"Elizabeth," he said, "it's good to see you up and about. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better," she replied, offering up a rather wan smile. "Thank you. How's Rodney? I heard he came down with this... illness." The woman hoped her momentary hesitation didn't sound as awkward as she thought.

"He's not so well," Radek answered. "If you just went by how he sounds, you'd think that he was dying. He's not so bad as he was, though." He gazed at her. "Are you sure you are well enough to be working? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine, Radek," she told him (it wasn't entirely a lie). "I'm just a bit tired, still. Is that for me?" She pointed to the folder.

"Ah. Yes. Rodney contacted me twice to make sure I didn't forget to turn in this report on the device we've been working on," Zelenka handed over the report, then added, "Elizabeth, if you need anything, be sure to let me know. Don't work too hard."

"Thank you, Radek," Elizabeth said. "I'll keep that in mind." The Czech gave her a smile that told her he wasn't convinced that she was really alright before returning to his lab. The woman had just gotten back to work when she was again interrupted.

"Hey," John said. They gazed at each other for a moment.

"Hey," Elizabeth echoed softly.

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch." He stepped further into the room.

"I really should get caught up some more," Weir began. "I have..."

"When was the last time you had something to eat?" the colonel cut in.

"What? John..." she protested.

"When?" Elizabeth sighed in defeat. "Elizabeth, you need to take care of yourself," John continued, lowering his tone as he moved closer. "And you're not the only one you have to look after right now." She fidgeted under his gaze. She really didn't want to leave her work, as she still had a lot to catch up on, but she hadn't eaten since the night before and John _was_ right.

"Alright," she finally agreed, closing the file that Radek had given her before rising to her feet. "Let's go eat." John let her pass him on their way out of the office, momentarily allowing his hand to rest on the small of her back. A warm shiver ran up her spine as it often did at a forbidden touch. Sadness crept over her and she frowned. What had she been thinking? She loved John, yes—she didn't doubt that—but she'd known just as well as he did that protocol dictated that nothing could happen between them. As his boss, she should've prevented it. In fact, as head of Atlantis, Elizabeth wasn't permitted to be close to anyone in that way.

How was that fair? Why must she choose between her work and her heart?

"What's wrong?" John asked, noting her sudden shift in mood.

"Nothing," Elizabeth answered. "I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"Don't worry about it. It's not anything important."

"Okay. If you say so. Though, it's usually something pretty serious that can get you to frown like that," he looked at her expectantly.

"I just," Elizabeth began softly, "I wish things were different. For us. I wish there weren't so many rules we were breaking."

"Well, some rules are just stupid. They were made to be broken!" John reasoned. She stopped, turning to face him.

"John, this could cost us both our careers," she lowered her tone even more.

"I know."

"Unless..."

"Don't say it," the Air Force officer tensed.

"We have to consider all our options," Dr. Weir began.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, that is not an option!" John had to struggle to keep his volume down.

"Damn it, John!" Elizabeth exclaimed, tears stinging her eyes. "Don't make this harder than it already is! I don't want to leave Atlantis, and I am sure as hell you don't either. So what other choice is there?!"

"I don't know, but could you really live with yourself if you did that?" he demanded, "because I know I—Elizabeth, I'm not sure I'd even be able to look at you anymore."

Elizabeth raised her chin, fighting to keep the tears at bay. "Are you saying that your love for me is conditional?"

"No," he whispered, a bit harshly. "No, what I'm trying to say is that I love you so much that I wouldn't be able to stand the thought that you'd be willing to do anything to hurt _our_ baby."

"John!" That had done it. The tears began to course freely down her cheeks. John pulled her out of the hall into a side room, closing the door behind them.

"Look," he said, taking her gently by the shoulders. "I know you're frightened. Truth is, leaving Atlantis and not knowing what will happen after that scares the hell out of me, but this is more important to me. _We're_ more important." He looked at the fear and trouble on her face, and he could stand her hurting no more. He reached for her and pulled her close. Caressing her neck as her head buried in his shoulder, he murmured in her ear. "Shh...it's alright...shh." At that moment, the world disappeared to them. It was as if all of their troubles and anxieties had culminated in a single, defining, heart-wrenching closeness that neither of them was willing to break.

---

_To be continued...  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

---

Dr. Rodney McKay wearily shuffled into the lab, a cup in hand, jacket pulled tightly across his chest. He looked around to find the room was in about the same condition as he had left it, with a few irritating exceptions in regard to the location of equipment. Piled up paperwork here, useless junk there, the device he and Radek had been working on near the center, Radek staring into space on the stool beside it...

"Radek?" McKay spoke suddenly, masking his sudden concern for the man who seemed to be entirely stunned about something. The Czech looked up in surprise.

"Rodney!" Oh, yeah. He was fine. Just sleeping on the job... again. "Should you be out of bed?"

"If that's your way of asking how I am, I'm absolutely miserable," Rodney groused.

"Then, uh... what are you doing up?" Zelenka asked.

"Because I don't want to give you any more time to be able to screw up anything," the Canadian retorted. "Besides, Carson said I haven't been contagious for more than a week and I'm positively sick of laying around in my quarters." He took a sip from his cup.

"Is that coffee?"

"Believe it or not, no. I never thought I'd say this, but just the smell of the stuff makes me sick. It's some sort of... herbal stuff," he grimaced at something floating in the orangish fluid. "What about you?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"What's wrong with you? You look like you'd seen a ghost."

"Nothing. It's, um, nothing..." Radek responded.

"Radek?" Rodney gave his friend his patented cut-the-crap glare.

"Elizabeth's pregnant." McKay choked on his drink.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he demanded between coughs. "Why would you say something like that?!"

"Well, I..." Radek stammered. His friend gave him a hard look, then paled.

"Oh, my god. You're serious, aren't you?" The Czech nodded. "When did this happen? How'd you find out? Wait a minute--who's the father?" Dr. Zelenka hesitated. He hadn't even intended to tell Rodney that much of what he'd overheard, he wasn't so sure he should be answering his questions. Besides, Elizabeth had good reason for not wanting anyone to know.

"I overheard her and ... I overheard a conversation in the corridor."

"Overheard her and who?" McKay persisted.

"Rodney, I don't think I should be..."

"Sheppard. It's Sheppard, isn't it?" The Canadian had begun to ramble, no longer awaiting confirmation from his companion. "Why, yes. Yes, of course. That makes sense, actually. There have been several times I couldn't find him in his quarters--he must've been in Elizabeth's... Elizabeth could lose her job. They both could. We can't tell anyone!"

"Right, Rodney," Radek agreed with a sigh. "We must keep this to ourselves."

"Wait--why did you tell me?" Rodney wanted to know.

"That," his friend told him, "was entirely unintentional."

-

_Flashback_

As Elizabeth continued to stare at him, her expression unreadable, John began to think that maybe it would have been better not to tell her, after all.

"Elizabeth," he spoke again, releasing one of her hands to tentatively reach up and touch her cheek. She flinched reflexively. "Elizabeth, say something."

"John, I..." she stammered, still staring at him as though incapable of recovering from her surprise.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I thought that..." John swallowed. "I'm sorry." He dropped her other hand and turned away.

"John, wait!" Elizabeth suddenly found her tongue. The Air Force officer looked back at her. There was something in her eyes that John was certain he'd never seen before. Elizabeth closed the short distance between them, reaching a hand behind his neck and pulling his head down till his lips met hers. She pressed her slender frame against his until John could feel her pounding heart against his chest.

John deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around her, embracing her as though he planned to never let her go. And right then, as John felt that his heart must surely burst for joy, he knew that he would give anything to continue to feel that love—that heart-rending passion—anything.

-

_A week later_

Dr. Elizabeth Weir made her way towards her office with a large crate of files she'd been working on the night before. She couldn't believe how much paperwork had been completed within the last few months. Just as she was completing her mental checklist of what she needed to accomplish for the day, Dr. McKay came around the corner, heading in the opposite direction.

"Good morning, Rodney," she told him. He made some unintelligible response, glancing up briefly from his data pad as he passed.

"God, Elizabeth--let me carry that for you," Rodney exclaimed suddenly. He had torn his attention entirely away from his computer and tucked it under his arm, taking hold of the crate with his freed hands.

"Thank you," Elizabeth responded, too stunned to refuse his assistance.

"This thing is heavy. Should you really be carrying stuff like this?"

"Rodney, you've seen me carry boxes and stuff lots of times," Weir pointed out. "How is this any different?"

"Because now you're--" Rodney broke off abruptly. "I, uh, I just thought I'd lend a hand. Practice being a gentleman."

"Rodney!" She was using _that_ tone. Namely, the one she used when he was trying to hide something and she knew precisely what it was.

"I, uh... I heard that you had hurt your back yesterday. I, um, just wanted to help..." he stammered. Elizabeth eyed him skeptically—he looked everywhere except at her.

"How do you know Rodney?" she asked quietly, angrily.

"I, um..." He put the box down on a console and walked away, hoping she would follow, which she did. Once out of the corridor, he began to pace and rub his hands together before turning so quickly, he took her by surprise.

"Do you know what could happen to you?!" the scientist exclaimed. "I can't believe you could do anything this stupid!"

"Excuse me?" Dr. Weir demanded.

"You heard me, Elizabeth," Rodney said, gaining courage at having caught her off-guard. "This is possibly the dumbest thing you have ever done!"

"I don't believe that is any of your business."

"That's where you're wrong. As leader of Atlantis, your life is everyone's business. It's a choice you made before this expedition even started. You have a responsibility to everyone that's under you and you go and do something like this!"

"I haven't forgotten my duties, Rodney," Elizabeth snapped back. "It just so happens that I fell in love!"

"Oh, yes, with your second-in-command!" McKay cried. As fate would have it, John Sheppard rounded the corner at that precise moment.

"What's going on here?" he demanded, quickly taking in the situation.

"Don't even start with me, Kirk," Rodney snipped. "It's bad enough that you can't keep your hands off of every space bimbo in the Pegasus Galaxy, you just _had_ to go after Elizabeth, too!"

"McKay," Sheppard growled threateningly.

"Don't 'McKay' me!" the scientist all but shouted. "Atlantis needs Elizabeth and you know it! I bet you couldn't rest until you had her for yourself. How long did it take before you seduced her? Didn't plan on knocking her up, now, did you?"

"Well, I think you're just jealous!" countered John. "Just because you're so damn miserable, you think everyone else should be, too. If you'd take even a day off from being such an ass..."

"John! Rodney!" Elizabeth shouted at them as they got after each other. Apparently, the fates were feeling merciful because Radek soon came to her aid. They managed to pull the two men apart.

"Rodney!" Zelenka demanded. "Get a hold of yourself!" He smacked his friend alongside the head.

"John! John, please," Elizabeth cried, placing a hand against Sheppard's mouth and another on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him. "Don't do this. Not here... not now."

"He had no right to say that!" the Air Force officer protested. "He doesn't know a damn thing!"

"Sshhh... I know," his lover soothed.

"They'll send her away," Rodney spat angrily to Radek, glaring at John. "They'll send her away because of him!"

"Rodney," the Czech admonished. "Elizabeth is a grown woman, she can make her own choices. It's a little late to be giving her advice, now."

"How the hell did you two find out in the first place?" Col. Sheppard demanded.

"John," Elizabeth placed a calming hand on his chest.

"It's, uh, it's my fault, actually," Zelenka admitted. "I was looking for Elizabeth and I overheard you two talking in the hall."

"And you thought it'd be a good idea to tell McKay?!"

"It was an accident! It just slipped out!" Radek told him, then added, "Besides, Rodney is my friend. I knew he could be trusted."

"What's done is done," Elizabeth reminded them. "John, I knew what the consequences might be if I allowed us to be together, but if I could go back, I still wouldn't change a thing. I love you. And Rodney, I might have made a terrible mistake, but it was mine to make. Deal with it. The two of you are friends and you're both very important to this expedition. I need you to get along." The two men in question continued to glare at one another. Getting a response from neither, Elizabeth left, beckoning Radek to follow. Maybe not the smartest move, but she knew they'd eventually resolve their differences.

"Elizabeth, I am so sorry," Dr. Zelenka told her. "I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I..."

"It's alright, Radek," Weir interrupted him. "I'm not angry. It's just that this whole situation is poorly timed." He studied her face for a moment.

"You really are in love with him." It was not a question.

"Yeah," Elizabeth murmured softly. "I am."

---

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

---

"Rodney!" Lt. Col. John Sheppard jogged after his teammate as the scientist made his way toward his lab the following afternoon. They'd both been doing a pretty good job of ignoring each other. "Damn it, McKay! Could we talk about this, already?" With a harrumph, Dr. McKay turned to face him.

"Talk? You wanna talk? What could we possibly have to talk about?" he demanded.

"Look, I know you don't agree with what I did, but we are on the same team," Sheppard spoke firmly. "We still have to work together. You're overreacting! It's not like I..."

"It's not like you, what?" Rodney cut in. "You screwed up and you dragged Elizabeth down with you. End of story. Do you have any idea the sort of repercussions this will have on everyone in the city? What? Did you think that I'd apologize?! You've singlehandedly ruined Elizabeth's career, so forgive me if I don't have a little more sympathy for you when she's called back to Earth and you get court-martialed!"

"I thought that we _might_ be able to salvage our friendship!" John spat back. "I know you're not happy with me, but I am in love with her!"

"No," the scientist countered, jabbing the officer in the chest with his finger, "you're in heat and can't tell the difference! She's your boss, colonel! You knew better, but you crossed the line, anyway... I thought better of you."

"So, I made a mistake!"

"That's right—YOU made a mistake, so deal with it! Don't expect me to hold your hand." McKay opened the door and stepped into his lab.

"You know what?" his CO shouted. "FINE! The only reason I even bothered was because Elizabeth asked me to!" With that, he stormed away. Rodney allowed the door to close behind him before venting his frustration on an innocent coffee cup. Damn, he thought belatedly. That had been one of his favorites.

---

_Three days later_

"You're starting to show," Col. Sheppard casually remarked from where he slouched in the chair in front of Elizabeth's desk. She was getting together a few last minute items before leaving with Major Lorne and his team to complete a trade agreement with a world slightly less advanced than what the Hoffans had been. He briefly wondered if they were still alive.

Elizabeth glanced up at him. "That better not be your way of saying I'm fat," she teased. He grinned back.

"Well, in this case, I plead guilty," he said, then asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

"John, I'm sure," Weir told him. "I don't go with you on every mission you go on. Besides, you'd be bored out of your skull—you know how much you hate diplomacy. I'm just gonna go finish up this trade agreement with the Nasarans and then I'm coming straight back. Major Lorne and his team have been there dozens of times before. It'll be fine."

"Alright," John shrugged, "if you don't want the escort, there's not much I can do about it." She smiled at him.

"I'll see you tonight." Picking up her briefcase, she started out the door.

"Marry me."

"What?" Elizabeth turned to face him as he rose to his feet.

"Elizabeth, I love you," he began, his eyes locked with hers. "Nothing will ever change that. And you're—" She place her fingers across his lips, effectively silencing him.

"Yes," she whispered and John thought her smile had never been brighter. "I will marry you." He took her in his arms, entirely disregarding the regulations that prohibited him to do so. Unresisting, Elizabeth just let him hold her, thrilling in the closeness, breathing in the scent of the man she had grown to love so much.

"You take care of yourself," he murmured in her ear before pressing his lips against the side of her neck.

"I love you, John Sheppard," she told him, caressing his cheek as they pulled apart.

"I love you, too." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then watched as she crossed through the control room and descended the stairs to where Major Lorne and his team waited. Pausing before stepping through the event horizon, she waved back at him and then she was gone.

---

"Admiral Morrhen!" Elizabeth greeted the man who awaited them on the other side. "I didn't think we would see you until we got into the city!"

"Dr. Weir," Morrhen, the elected official of the Nasaran population, returned. "It is good to finally meet you." They shook hands.

"It's an honor," she told him.

The admiral indicated the men and woman around him. "These are my personal guard. I felt it prudent to provide you with an appropriate escort." The Lanteans fell in step with the Nasarans as they led the way back to their main government building.

"That's very kind of you," Dr. Weir smiled. "Though, I'm surprised you have so many. From what Major Lorne has told me, your people really love you."

"I have been fortunate, but one can never be too cautious," he responded. "There are some who would just as soon see me dead as in power."

"I guess that is the risk of being in office." Morrhen looked at her.

"You are a very smart woman, Dr. Weir," he smiled. "I've decided that I like you."

---

Dr. Carson Beckett sat at his desk working on the weekly report to be sent to Earth on the morrow. His hands hovered over the keyboard and he struggled with himself. As the Chief Medical Officer of Atlantis, it was his responsibility to report any changes in the health status of expedition personnel. He had delayed reporting Elizabeth's pregnancy at her request, but now that she was showing, he really had no excuse. The doctor knew that he had to report it, but also knew that doing so would likely lead to Elizabeth being recalled to Earth. With a sigh, he saved the document and went off to check on the small handful of patients that were in the infirmary.

"It's quiet today," Dr. Jennifer Keller observed. She sat cross-legged on one of the empty beds, working on her laptop.

"Aye," Carson agreed. "That it is."

"It's kind of peaceful," the woman said. Carson sat down in a nearby chair. "Have you decided, yet?"

"Decided what, lass?"

"If you're going to report Elizabeth." The Scot couldn't help but smile—Jenn was always up on her game.

"I wish I didn't have to, but I don't think I have a choice," Carson sighed. Jennifer nodded in understanding.

"It doesn't seem fair," she murmured softly. Silently, her colleague agreed.

---

Upon reaching the city, the small diplomatic group was joined by a throng of citizens, all trying to catch a glimpse of Admiral Morrhen.

"Long live the Admiral!" shouted some children.

"Admiral, I would speak to you! Please hear me!"

"Look! Look—it's Admiral Morrhen and the visitors!" As the crowd followed them, Morrhen's guards pulled in closer around him. After several more minutes, they reached the government building. They climbed a long staircase in order to reach the main entrance on the second floor. From the balcony which connected the stairs with the main building, the Lanteans were able to glimpse almost the whole city.

"Come, Dr. Weir," Morrhen beckoned. "Let's make official the friendship between our worlds." As they moved towards the doors to go inside, a new sound rose over the murmur of the crowd and several people screamed. Elizabeth spun about, certain she'd heard... gunshots.

Blinding pain ripped through her spleen causing her to let out a stunned cry. Something slammed into her chest and she felt herself stumbling backwards. Her lungs cried for air and she realized she was having difficulty drawing in a breath. Elizabeth felt the banister connect with her thigh and she grasped at it, attempting to stop her backwards motion, but her grip was too weak to counter the force of gravity in combination with the momentum her body had already gained.

The building dropped out of sight, replaced by the blue of the sky, as the thought struck her—she'd been shot. She was in an entirely different galaxy and she'd been shot. She wanted to laugh at the mere irony of it all... and then she thought of John.

---

"We have an incoming transmission," Chuck announced as John entered the control room.

"What's going on?" Rodney asked, walking into the room seconds later.

"Incoming transmission," Sheppard answered, then said, "Patch it through."

"We need a medical team here, now!" Lt. Cadman exclaimed, not waiting to be acknowledged, panic edging her tone.

"What's happening, lieutenant?" John demanded, his heart instinctively skipping a beat.

"Dr. Weir's been shot! And she fell—we're not sure we should move her," Laura answered. "We need Carson and a stretcher here, now!" Col. Sheppard froze, his breath catching in his throat, his mind suddenly numb. _Elizabeth!_ his mind screamed, but he seemed unable to move or even blink. Someone was talking, but he couldn't understand what they were saying.

"Sheppard. ...Colonel Sheppard! John!" Rodney tried to get through to his friend, but failed. He'd never seen the man like this before. He activated his radio. "Carson, we need a medical team off-world ASAP, Elizabeth's been injured..." It took but a moment for the Scot and his team to arrive prepared and ready to embark in the gate room. As they started through to Nasara, John finally overcame his initial shock, running to follow them through.

"Colonel, I need you to stay here," Dr. Beckett told him.

"Doc, I'm..." Sheppard began to protest.

"Stay, Colonel!" The doctor departed through the event horizon and John reluctantly allowed it to close behind him. Rodney stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at his friend in concern. A gurney waited by the gate, ready to wheel Elizabeth to the infirmary the moment the medical team returned. It seemed an eternity before they came back, but neither the Air Force officer nor the scientist budged. Finally, the Stargate came to life.

"I'm reading Major Lorne's IDC!" Chuck confirmed.

"Lower the shield!" the two in the gate room shouted in unison. Carson and his team rushed through, slowing to carefully place the stretcher on the gurney before picking up the frantic pace.

"Elizabeth!" John cried, running forward. He couldn't see through the people surrounding her.

"Keep him back!" Beckett ordered. Evan Lorne moved to obey the doctor's command. Sheppard struggled against him.

"Let me go, major!" he snapped.

"I can't do that, sir," Lorne replied. The medical team disappeared down the corridor as John finally pulled himself free.

"I will deal with you later!" he threatened, hurrying towards the infirmary. Lorne didn't take it personally.

"What happened?" a pale Rodney asked from where he'd watched from the staircase. The Air Force major scrubbed a hand over his face.

"There was an attempted assassination on Admiral Morrhen," he answered. "Some stray bullets hit Dr. Weir and then she stumbled and fell from a second story balcony. Two of the admiral's guards were killed, another has a bullet in his leg. The admiral's untouched... I tried to get to her—to protect her—but by the time I got to her, she was already falling. I..." Evan trailed off. "I knew it was too easy." Sadly shaking his head, he trudged from the room.

---

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

---

Elizabeth Weir was bleeding out. Severe internal bleeding and head trauma mingled with the gunshot wounds to assure this grim fate. Dr. Beckett, Dr. Keller and their team worked feverishly to repair the damage...

"I lost the pulse!" a nurse cried out as the woman on the table flat-lined. The defibrillator was charged. Then charged again. And again. And again.

Nothing.

"Come on, Elizabeth, don't do this to me!" Carson cried. "Again!"

"Carson," Jennifer put a hand on his shoulder.

"There's no time! Charge it again!" the Scot was frantic.

"Carson!" the blonde took him by the shoulders, tears stinging her own eyes. "She's gone—you have to let her go."

"No..."

"I'm so sorry."

"What about the baby?" Carson demanded. "Can we save the baby?"

"There is nothing we can do, Carson," Keller wept. "I'm sorry..." A nurse took the paddles from the hands of the chief medical officer as the man stepped back, stunned. Tears coursed down his cheeks. If only they'd gotten there sooner or he had insisted that Elizabeth remained on Atlantis or the Nasarans had not been willing to trade food for much need medical supplies. Maybe if they had taken everything they needed in order to patch Elizabeth up with them...

Carson removed his gloves and mask before leaning down close to Elizabeth's ear, whispering the words that Jennifer had said to him: "I'm sorry, love. So incredibly, incredibly sorry." He left the room and Jenn took over. This was something he'd want to do alone--that he needed to do alone.

The rest of his team had joined John in the waiting room. Teyla rested a hand on his shoulder, while Ronon stared fiercely at the floor. Rodney was silent for once. The four looked up as their friend approached, rising to their feet simultaneously. Carson flinched as he watched the hope in their eyes fade into a bottomless hurt.

"I'm so sorry," he choked out. "We did everything we could, but... there was nothing we could do for either of them." The doctor had forced out the last part to spare John the agony of having to ask. He watched John through blurred vision, expecting the man to retreat, to hide his sorrow. Instead, his feet gave out from under him and he sank into his seat, then he brought his hands to his face and wept. Teyla wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against the top of his head, tears streaking her face.

There was no way to tell how long the five of them were like that before Dr. Cole came and found them at Jenn's behest. "Carson," she began hesitantly, "Jenn wanted me to let you know that, um... that you... they can—I mean, all of you. She said that you can see her now." I'm so sorry, she wanted to say, but the words seemed trite, raped of meaning. They followed her through the infirmary to where Elizabeth lay. Jennifer stood nearby, waiting for them.

"She looks... peaceful," Teyla offered, her voice breaking with grief. Col. Sheppard moved forward, reaching out a hand to touch Elizabeth's cold, pale cheek. Carson turned away and his colleagues followed.

"You can't blame yourself," Dr. Keller told him, knowing what the Scot was thinking.

"Like bloody hell I can't!" the Scot snapped back, tears stinging his eyes. "I'm her doctor, for God's sake! I should have saved her!"

"There was nothing you could have done!" Sarah Cole countered.

"I could have forbid her to go," the man said stubbornly. He shrugged them off, leaving the two women to share a hurt glance. Meanwhile, Col. Sheppard and his team stood around Elizabeth's infirmary bed.

"How is this fair! How can..." John exclaimed suddenly, breaking the grieved silence, his gesturing hands taking over from where his words stopped. He turned and made his way out of the room. The others, not knowing what to say, remained silent, allowing him to leave unhindered. Teyla went to the woman's side and bowed her head, whispering a prayer to the Ancestors. Ronon left shortly after Sheppard while Rodney remained where he'd been near Weir's feet, still trying to process what had happened. After a bit, Dr. Keller returned and gently ushered the two of them out. The scientist glanced back in time to see the young doctor pull the sheet over Elizabeth's face.

Ronon Dex stalked down the hallway, his mood dark. True, he hadn't been extremely close to Dr. Weir, but he had grown to respect the woman—respect how well she managed to run things. The thought that she had been killed when the target hadn't even been injured burned him up inside. Furthermore, such tragedies only succeeded in reminding him of... well, he didn't think about her, anymore. Weir was a good person and Ronon hated when bad things happened to good people. It made him feel so defenseless. The large Satedan strode onward. He needed to break something...

After leaving the infirmary, Dr. McKay had wandered off in a stunned daze. His feet led him back to his lab, where he spent the majority of his time, anyway. He felt his eyes start to burn and it took him a moment to realize that he was crying. She was gone. Elizabeth was gone and there was nothing anybody in the entire city could do about it. Rodney stepped up to his computer, connecting to the Ancient data base, trying to come up with something, anything.

Nothing. They were in the city of the Ancients and he wasn't able to come up with a thing. Furious with his failure, the man ripped the computer from its cord and smashed it against the floor. Kicking at the broken device, he then turned to the lab table, blind in his grief, and proceeded to sweep it clean with his arms, sending equipment and paper flying.

"Rodney?!" Zelenka cried out as he entered the room. "Rodney!"

"It's useless!" McKay screamed. "It's all worthless. Worthless! Worthless!"

"Rodney," Radek spoke again, taking him by the shoulders in order to stop his destructive behavior. "Stop it. Rodney, she's gone. You need to stop—this isn't going to help anything. Just... stop." Rodney grew still, looking into his friend's eyes and seeing his own grief reflected there.

"Oh, god," he murmured, tears staining his cheeks, "what are we going to do? How..? Atlantis needs Elizabeth—what are we going to do?" The Czech gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze as tears fell from his own eyes.

"I have no idea," he answered truthfully. Rodney sank down onto a stool and cried, Radek murmuring in Czech beside him.

Several corridors away, Teyla entered the gym. It should have been silent, but Ronon was already there, taking his feelings out on the helpless punching back. He didn't even notice that she had entered. The words of the prayer she had uttered earlier returned to her lips as she desperately tried to quell the feelings of hurt and helplessness that rose at seeing her own hurt channeled through her teammate's brutal, angry motions. Unable to keep her emotions in check longer, the Athosian leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. Then, cradling her head between her hands, she wept.

Later that night, Dr. Beckett made his way to the morgue. He'd decided that he would just sit with her awhile. The thought of Elizabeth alone in that dark, empty room on that cold, hard slate broke his heart and he just wouldn't stand for it. Upon entering the darkened chamber, Carson stopped short. In the dimness, he could just make out John sitting in a chair, Elizabeth's bruised hand in his own. The Scot nodded grimly to himself and left. John never knew he was there.

Days passed slowly, and then weeks. Nearly the whole expedition had attended the memorial service. It had been a beautiful service. An interim commander had been put in charge while they tried to find someone who could possibly fill Elizabeth's shoes. No one from Atlantis thought it possible.

---

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

---

Lt. Col. John Sheppard sat in Dr. Heightmeyer's office. It was his own fault he was there, really, but it had been driving him mad. It just seemed that everyone, except his friends, had been walking on eggshells around him, talking all polite and trying to be pleasant. Was that pity that he saw on their faces? Or was he just being overly sensitive and imagining things? He'd managed to take almost two weeks of it before he had exploded at an airman in the mess hall for no apparent reason.

"Just knock it off, already!" he had yelled, throwing his tray off the table. "All of you! No, I'm not alright! And no, I don't want to talk about it, so STOP ASKING!" Unfortunately, Dr. Beckett had been in the room and insisted that he talk to Heightmeyer.

"You do realize, Colonel, that most of the personnel don't know that you and Dr. Weir were in a relationship, right?" she'd asked during that first session. Yeah. He'd realized, but despite that fact, still here he sat in her office for the third week in a row.

"Carson tells me you haven't been sleeping," Kate said.

"I can't sleep," Lt. Col. John Sheppard replied.

"Why is that?"

"I think you know why."

"I could speculate, but I'd rather not," she told him patiently. "Why can't you sleep, John?"

"Because every time I close my eyes, I—I see her face, her smile... I can still smell her shampoo. Green apple. It was her favorite..." he gazed wistfully out the back window of Kate's office.

"Have you tried taking the medication Carson prescribed for you?"

"No. It hurts less to just keep... going. Not think, or sleep..."

"To just go into autopilot?" Kate suggested.

"Yeah." John straightened some books on the table beside him.

"You can't stay awake forever, colonel. You need to get some sleep," the psychiatrist informed him, "and until you do, I cannot clear you for off-world duty. It's natural to grieve—it's healthy. Just don't... I don't think that Elizabeth would want to see you do this to yourself." The woman placed a familiar-looking bottle on the table between them.

"Alright," he murmured, pocketing the sleep medication before leaving the room. "I'll try." Upon reaching his quarters, Col. Sheppard set the new bottle on his bedside table with four others. He kicked off his shoes and stretched out on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His eyes drifted shut and he opened them.

"What's the matter?" Elizabeth was looking down at him, concern in her soft hazel eyes.

"Elizabeth," he breathed, reaching out a hand and touching her face. Her hair was rumpled and she wore that overlarge t-shirt that she always wore to bed. She placed her hand over his, her frown deepening.

"Are you alright?" she asked gently.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I am." There was a knock at the door.

"You should get that," Elizabeth reminded him.

"I can't," John murmured. "You'll disappear." She smiled gently and kissed his lips.

"Don't be silly," she told him. "I'll always be right here." He felt her place a hand over his heart as there was another, more insistent knock. "You should get that." Reluctantly, John got up and stumbled to the door.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"Carson wanted me to make sure you were eating," Ronon told him. "I'm going to lunch."

"Are you kidding me? I'm a little..." he trailed off as he looked back into his empty quarters. Hitting the door jamb, John cursed under his breath. He'd dozed off.

"You coming?" the Satedan asked, mercifully not mentioning his CO's small outburst.

"I'm not hungry." Col. Sheppard moved to close the door, but Ronon took a step forward, blocking the way.

"Doc said to force-feed you if necessary." It wasn't a threat. It was a fact—something the larger man wouldn't hesitate to do if he thought he needed to. Nevertheless, John felt a surge of anger. What right had Carson or Ronon—or anyone else, for that matter—to dictate what he did? Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"Fine!" he snapped. The officer pulled on his shoes and took a moment to smooth his bedspread, pausing briefly as memories flashed through his mind. Maybe he didn't want to remain in the room, after all... "Let's go." He stepped out into the corridor.

"You look tired," Ronon stated, falling in step beside him.

"I'm fine," Sheppard told him.

"You're a bad liar."

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Fine," said Ronon, "but you're still a bad liar." He pursued the topic no further. Carson had told them how close John and Elizabeth had really been so that John's team could comprehend his grief. Rodney, of course, had already known, while Ronon and Teyla had suspected that there'd been something between the two, though neither said as much. Truth be told, Ronon didn't want to talk about the situation anymore than Sheppard did, so he let him be.

They entered the large room which served at Atlantis' mess hall. John halted. There was still a string of lights that someone had left nearly a year before. A memory pushed its way forward in the colonel's mind. He could almost see Elizabeth walking ahead of him as she talked, almost hear her voice...

"_I've come to the realization that we've been here for almost three years, but we've never done anything to celebrate Christmas," she had began._

"_Yeah, well, usually we're too busy fending off the wraith or some other bad guy," John pointed out._

"_Well, for the moment, we aren't and I've been talking to General Landry and he said that if we could get it organized, he'd approve the funds necessary to throw some sort of Christmas party." _

"_He did?"_

"_Well, I did have some help in convincing him," she admitted. "Kate told him that she thought it'd be good for morale."_

"_A psychologist and an arm-twister," Col. Sheppard raised his eyebrows, then asked. "So, what did you have in mind?"_

"_I think we should have a Christmas dance," Elizabeth told him, the sparkle in her eyes reminding him of a little kid eying presents under the tree. _

"_A dance?"_

"_Yes, John, think about it," she motioned to the room around them, "we could hang lights and holly, there'd be music and everyone would dress up. We could have a tree..."_

"_You realize the room is full of tables, right?" he pointed out, mostly teasing._

"_We could move them to the break room, I just..."_

"_Cinderella wants a ball?" John had asked, smirking in amusement. Elizabeth had smiled, giving a sheepish nod._

"_Cinderella wants a ball."_ Her voice seemed to echo in the room. Cinderella had gotten her ball and he had had the privilege of being Prince Charming, Elizabeth's Prince Charming, her knight in shining armor, the man she had loved... But now, she was gone and all that remained was that damned string of lights.

"Airman!" John nearly shouted at a passing personnel.

"S-sir?" the man stammered.

"I want you to get a ladder and take down those lights," the colonel's tone was acerbic.

"Yes, sir, as soon as I..."

"I want it done NOW!"

"Yes, sir!" the airman put down his tray and rushed off to get the ladder. Sheppard turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to escape the room and the memories that haunted his mind: Elizabeth smiling at him over a cup of coffee. Elizabeth trying to decide what experimental dish she was brave enough to try. Elizabeth directing the decorations for the dance. Elizabeth in that dress, her hair swept up off her ivory shoulders, that gem sparkling at her throat, the lights casting shadows of her eyelashes down her blushing cheeks...

"You're forgetting something," Ronon reminded him, stepping into his path.

"Ronon, if you don't get out of my way, so help me, I'm gonna..." John began angrily.

"You're gonna what?" the larger man cut in, though not unkindly. "No offense, but I'm more afraid of Beckett than I am of you. You might beat up on me, but doc has all sorts of needles and stuff he can stick into me. I think I'll take my chances."

"I can't do this right now," the Air Force officer spoke softly, tears stinging his eyes. "I can't stand to be in this room." Ronon gazed silently at him for a moment before giving a brief nod.

"I'll bring something to your quarters," he said.

"Thank you," Sheppard whispered. He turned and left the room.

---

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

---

John Sheppard slouched in his seat, idly rearranging the books sitting on Dr. Heightmeyer's table. He rubbed at a smudge on the wood surface, making it worse.

"John," Kate addressed him after a length of silence. "Colonel, it's useless for you to come here if you aren't going to let me help you..."

"Elizabeth's gone!" John snapped at her. "How is talking going to help that?"

"That's right," Kate said gently. "Elizabeth is gone. But it's not as simple as that, is it?"

"Look, I know what you're doing—why can't you accept the fact that I don't want to talk about it?!"

"Because, it's obvious to everyone, colonel, that Elizabeth's death is eating you up inside!" Heightmeyer exclaimed, flustered with his reticence. "You won't sleep, despite the fact that both Carson and I have prescribed medication to help you do so, Carson had to recruit Ronon and Teyla to make sure you eat. You've withdrawn inside yourself, and John, neither Carson nor I will clear you for off-world duty until you are able to work through some of this. You need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be me. You lost the woman you love and your child, John—that's more than anyone should have to go through."

"Fine," the officer cut in. "But I'm gonna do it on my time table, not yours." He rose to his feet and left the room, abruptly signaling the end of the session. Kate let out a sigh as the door closed behind him.

John stormed down the hall. "Get the hell out of the way!" he snapped at a couple of personnel moving a large crate down the corridor. Radek Zelenka steered clear of the man, going around the long way rather than pass him. He entered the lab a few minutes later.

"Colonel Sheppard just yelled at a couple of people in the hall," the Czech told Rodney, who was working away on his laptop.

"And what? It's suddenly my fault?" McKay groused. He hit a few buttons before crossing the room to work directly on the device.

"No. It's just he's usually not in such a bad mood," Radek replied. "Have you talked to him recently?" The Canadian walked back to his laptop to type in some more commands. "Rodney?"

"Hmm? Oh, um.. no, I haven't," Rodney answered, keeping his eyes on his work. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been kinda busy."

"Rodney," his coworker said. "You should talk to him."

"Actually, I'm quite sure I'm about the last person he'd want to talk to."

"You're his friend, McKay."

"I was his friend," McKay countered, "and then I said some things that not even I'm sure I can forgive myself for saying. Ever since Elizabeth... Sheppard won't even look at me."

"But you both cared for her," Radek insisted. "Part of Colonel Sheppard must know that. And the truth is, Rodney, you need his friendship as much as he needs yours right now." Rodney momentarily stopped what he was doing. The Czech was probably right—he seemed to be that a lot, lately. True, McKay hadn't been moping around Atlantis, barely able to function, but he had sequestered himself in his lab, throwing himself into his work even more than was normal for him.

"I'll, uh, I'll think about it," he finally responded, erasing the mistake he had made but a moment before. "Just... lemme try to solve this first."

---

"It's a beautiful day," John commented from where he stood on the balcony overlooking the Lantean ocean.

"It is a beautiful day," Elizabeth agreed. "What's bothering you, John?" Her hazel eyes rested on him with concern.

"I keep having these dreams," the man answered softly, "nightmares, that... that you and the baby are gone. That you died." Sympathy filled her expression as she laid a hand on his shoulder. She was wearing that red top that she always wore—it was one of her favorites.

"We are gone," she told him gently. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, John."

"No. I don't want to hear that."

"It's the truth. You have to let me go."

"I don't know how," John murmured, tears filling his eyes as he turned to face her. "I loved you so much..."

"And I loved you," Elizabeth returned. "You know that, but you have to move on now, to get better. I don't need you, anymore. Atlantis does."

"What if I still need you?" the man asked as the tears coursed down his cheeks. The love of his life gave him a sad smile as she placed her hand over his heart.

"You know where to find me." Her imaged shimmered and disappeared. The Air Force officer returned his gaze to the horizon. A door opened behind him and someone came out to stand beside him.

"What do you want, McKay?" The scientist glanced over at him before following his gaze out over the water.

"Well, I, uh..." he began. "I came to the realization that I could really use a friend right now and I thought that maybe you could to. Want to talk?"

John remained silent.

"I'm so sorry for what I said before. I, uh, I thought I would get the chance to make it up to you two, but... I'm sorry..."

"McKay," the colonel's tone was sharp and McKay expected a rebuke, but instead his voice softened. "You were only trying to protect her. I can see that now."

"Oh," Rodney said, too surprised to say anything else.

"I asked her to marry me."

"Really? What... what did she say?"

"Yes. She said yes. It was just before she left. I almost didn't ask."

"But you did," Rodney pointed out, looking over at him.

"I did," John was now looking down at the banister. They became silent for a moment. "This might take awhile," the officer said softly. "Wanna grab something to eat?"

"Yeah. Sure," Rodney agreed, though he knew neither he nor Sheppard would eat a bite. "Food would be good." John turned to go inside and Rodney silently followed. Slowly, the sun slipped down over the horizon behind them.

Elizabeth was gone.

---

_The End._

-

A/N: That's it, people. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it is a bit sad. Feedback is welcome.


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